wrigley field is MILF paradise
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
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