I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
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