i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
