Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
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