just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
