you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
i think i just naturally attract stoners
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
