you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Watching her eat just hurts me
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Randomize
