All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
