I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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