i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
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