why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
