I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
