His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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