I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
