Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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