in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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