Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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