I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
