just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
