I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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