Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Shame is for Republicans.
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