i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
im calling her cock vulture from now on
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
