grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Fuck me I smell like cheese
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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