I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
