i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Randomize
