My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
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