Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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