Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize