i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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