I only kidnapped one of them. chill
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Randomize
