Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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