I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Randomize
