OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
