New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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