I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
