Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
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