This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Every concussion has its silver lining
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Randomize
