We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
