Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
