He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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