I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Randomize
