I'd wear matching sweaters with you
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
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