oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
We need to feng shui this bitch.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
