Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
