don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
