Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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