Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
