oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Randomize
