there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Randomize
