yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
