You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
so much tequila, so little girl.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Randomize
