Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Randomize
