We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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