so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
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