I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
