why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
