My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Randomize
