my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
