I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize
