I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Randomize
