Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Randomize
