You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Randomize
