Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
