this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
I met the friendliest cop last night
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Randomize
