If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
