I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Randomize
