For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
