im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
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