All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Randomize
