I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
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