i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
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