Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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