When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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