Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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