I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
