Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
