she woke up with a sticky ear
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
Is it penis luge time yet?
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Randomize
